So after 2 years together it ended. The guy i thought was my everything, the guy i gave everything i had to just left.
Many might say it was the distance but i know differently. What do you call it when everything you know, everything you’re use to changes in a blink of an eye? Still after 4 weeks i still look back and ask myself what went wrong. How did i have the best week of my life, and two weeks later everything just end? I think this is something i’ll never fully understand.
Many times ive tried to tell myself it was me. I look back and analyze the last few days trying to find what i did wrong. its those who love me that open my eyes and make me realize that i did nothing wrong. It just wasn’t meant to be, even if that truth hurts more than i can bear. The worst was hearing how fast he moved on. Not to another girl but to another life entirely, whilst i stay stuck in the same emotional wreckege he left me with. He said I’d forget about it once i started fresh in the new adventure i was embarking, but one can’t simply forget what was so dear to them. At least i can’t.
Facing it is hard. I find myself avoiding the thoughts related in anyway to him, because when they come its overwhelming and i feel like a dark blanket covers me. Instead i stop for a second and look around; contemplating my life in that instant. I’m still breathing, something i thought for sure would cease when he left, yet here i am. Even more so im loved. Life has moved on and even though emotionally i struggle to move forward i know that one day i’ll reach a point where I’ll once again contemplate the possibility of allowing myself to feel again; to explore the possibility of loving and being loved in return. Someday.
For now i make it my goal to get by day by day, knowing that as each day passes i become stronger. I’ve come to accept that there is such pain around us for a reason. it prepares us, it molds us into the people we are. So here I sit, still battling to mend a broken heart. One i know will never forget him because one never truly forgets their first love, that boy they gave their heart to fully. Though i know i’ll fall in love again in the future, it’ll never be the same.
Things happen for a reason. Though the reason may be unclear in this particular moment i believe that something good will come for this. That i have come away from this a stronger person. Nothing has ever hurt so much but knowing my end i wouldn’t change anything from the past if i got given the chance.